Accursed Humanity.

Today I approached my car to help my friend pack, and was positively floored to discover that I had a substantial dent in my right front fender. I most likely picked it up in the parking lot of the Sunset Place shopping center, yet had failed to notice until this morning.
While not important in terms of the value of this particular car, which happens to be possessed by satan himself, it does give me one more reason to despise and deride my fellow Miamians(?). Barring God's instigation of a smaller battle in the ongoing war between heaven and hell on the sacred terrain of my car, the only plausible explanation is that some coked-out party-goer (probably an accountant), who has mastered the art of walking semi-erect but is baffled by the mystical lines on pavement left by the superior beings of Miami-Dade county, dented my car as he entered or left the parking space adjacent to the one I was occupying. Then he left, no doubt because he is a hedonist, and he correctly guessed that his physical presence when I discovered his action would assuredly be no fun at all. This Audi-driving metrosexual dared to dent Jessica (my car, for those of you that sound out your words and also don't know how to use context).
I need to find out where Satan stands on this, i.e. whether he considers Jessica his personal tool with which to torture me, or is willing to let others join the fun. Oh well, I bet the jerk doesn't have a blog and loyal readers.